Random Ah Blog Post
We got funky with it.
Today at DickonCheek, we are trying something a little different. It’s the holiday season, and it’s no surprise that we are feeling a little tired. There isn’t much for us to cover right now, so we’re letting our contributors get a little freaky with it. Instead of one blog post with different columns all adhering to a theme or event, we’re giving total control to whatever our DoC members want to write about. So here is our freeform post, and we hope you can pick-your-own-adventure with these columns. Whether you want to read them all, skim over and read the pieces that grab your attention, or not read any of them and comment about how out of touch we are, please, be our guest. Do whatever makes your little heart sing, but don’t say we never did anything for you. Because making a collaborative blog takes work, and we are oh so sleepy, so maybe be grateful we even showed up. Yeah. FUck you . Read it or weep biotch.
Strategic Organizational Restructuring
We have some really sad news. We never thought that we would ever reach this point. From the beginning, we have stood together as a group and separating was never an option. However, Edgar Alan Hoe is announcing their departure from the DoC family.
We are all deeply saddened by the news, but I must say, not surprised. Here at DoC, we stand on the principles of honesty and moral righteousness. Hoe was quite divisive among the group. They always had some stupid shit to say, but never committed to writing about it. Hoe declined to comment when asked for further thoughts.
And on that note, we’ll end on this: many like the idea of blogging, but are not willing to actually commit to blogging.
The Truth (tweetober tally: 151)
Tweetober (Tweet October)
The talk of the town this autumn was tweetober (Tweet NOT Twee October, for the record). Originating in NYC and brought down to the Lone Star State by prolific tweeter Avery (@nectarineavery, tweetober tally: 1,687), tweetober is a delightful game all about who can tweet the most throughout the month of October.
When asked about tweetober and its inception, Avery, the reigning tweetober Queen of Austin, had this to say:
“Though in past years I had been simply an observer of tweetober happenings, this year, I thought, in the midst of a growing Austin diaspora, now more than ever, we needed tweetober. This is somewhat part of a larger and more informal idea-project of mine to put the “social” back in social media, and to this end I think it was quite effective. I was excited to see my twitter feed transformed from “for you” algorithm slop to a more classic, old-school internet message board full of beautiful ideas and beautiful friends. Overall, I think project Austin tweetober was an overwhelming success.
I carry the title of Queen of Austin with equal parts pride and shame. Though even before tweetober began I had an inkling that the crown would be mine to lose, tweeting nearly 1700 times is admittedly insane. I’m not totally stoked on the idea that anyone from the general public could go through and essentially see every waking (and sometimes dreaming) thought I had for an entire month. I have also already had to answer for some of my more erratic tweeting behaviors in arenas beyond the screen, to which I must say— I was in a flow state!”
All in all, tweetober was an exciting time to be on the everything app. Austin twitter OOMFs were interacting more and forming new connections, locals were going viral and then being canceled for stealing tweets, there was never a boring day. See below for more:
Tesla Moshpit (tweetober tally: 176)
The DoC is in: Advice column
Lucky you. Finally, after all the pathetic begging, grovelling, and pleading, I took the time to address some of our readers’ most pressing concerns, pro bono. What would you do without me? I hate to even imagine it.
i constantly have to fart and it's ruining me. It makes me scared to go out because what if I fart in front of the gang?! I can't have that on my conscious. And I'm not confident enough to own up to them like others. It's eating me alive! I miss my friends! :( What do I do??”
True intimacy is rooted in vulnerability. Do you want to be known? Understood? Do you want to connect? Bare your soul to your friends. Let it rip. If they can’t hold that space for you and your troubled gut, were they ever really your friends? (I’m assuming you’ve already tried blaming someone else.)
in the past year or so my friends and everyone i love has moved on to better things, whether it be a job or just a better life situation in general. this fills me with joy in a lot of ways but i can’t help but feel left behind now that they have more important things to focus on, while i meander in my growth. it worries me and i think about them all the time. i don’t doubt my worth or my capabilities but i just feel invisible and sad because i miss my people. my friends are far and wide now and i am stuck in my family home constantly recontextualizing every moment of these past years wondering what i could’ve done differently to preserve those times and to strengthen those relationships even more, even though i know that’s bs and i’m just in a transitional period. idk. it’s a lot. it feels harder to connect with the people that brought me so much love and security now that we can’t relate as much in our daily lives. i suppose my problem is being lonely, lately it has fr just been me and my phone. terrifying stuff.
Transition is long, lonely, humbling and temporary. In the near future you will inevitably find yourself settled in a way that you are satisfied with. In the meantime you should distract yourself. Do something irresponsible or unpredictable that genuinely captures your heart and mind. Hobbies, passions, sure. But consider also dating an inappropriately older person, or adopting an exotic pet. Anything along those lines, especially if it enraptures you so intensely that you wish you had more time and attention to dedicate to looking at your iPhone or comparing yourself to your friends. This, also:
too anxious can’t sleep
Try to sleep in someone else’s bed or on the couch. I’ve found success in the car before. Or drive really far away with plans to start your life anew somewhere else with only the clothes on your back and then realize how dramatic you’re being and turn around when you get to Georgetown. Read Wikipedia articles until your phone falls out of your hand. These are a few things I’ve tried that haven’t really worked but it’s the best I’ve got.
I have a large spider bite on my left arm that appears to be infected. It has also caused the lymph nodes in my armpit to swell up and become sore.
Gross!
im gay with my dad help :/
Is this really a problem?
i recently started dating a guy and i like him and all i just think the word boyfriend is soooo cringe. how do i get over that so i can say it without shame
I mean yeah it’s super cringe. I think I’m going to take a kind of “kill the part of you that cringes” angle with this. Dive in head first. Call him “Baby” and “My Love” in front of your friends. Make your lock screen a selfie of the two of you and change his contact name to “Hot Stuff” in your phone. Always refer to him as “my boyfriend”, even to people who know him. Maybe even get witchy and steal some of his hair to keep in a locket. Get creative! Embrace it, and also congrats!
Fred Figglehorn Again (tweetober tally: 22)
Flopify Crapped
Wait, don't scroll past! Don't worry, this ain't about ethics or whatever - you already know the shite deal with streaming. That Wednesday morning, spliced between all your mutuals' surely organized collective barrage of IG stories showing off their year of Listening to Cool Music, ya also probably saw the dark UMAW data reposted - but I ain’t talkin’ about that. No, I’m here for truly noble reasons. Quite simply, this is a PSA for the cool-music-lover with stats that are, uh, maybe too lame to post: You're not alone.
Listen, *I* know you're into, like, a crazy ecosystem of sick underground crap. Totally. But for some reason, this dumbfuck app only clocked the fact you listened to some random basic-bitch-ass song... Wait... Thirty-five times in one night? Haha no wait, the fuck??
Nah, hey, I get it, man, you don't gotta explain yourself - or uh, diagnose yourself, either... All these charts and numbers are nice for reflection, sure. However, of course, stripped away any context, anyone will seem boring as fuck, like, "huh, didn't know you were such a big Kendrick fan, bro." (it was ONE song 😭 the rest of the record is mid af I swear!)
Repeated listening to crap like a maniac is good! Perhaps subconsciously, your brain is trying to figure out the magic trick which makes a certain song still soothing and satisfying to hear. But, hold on, don't call yourself a Poptimist (shudder), ya just like music, bro!! Congratulations, it’s a rare skill to be able to find something interesting in mostly anything! And, uh, jeez, you really do like anything, I guess, ya freaky ass… hold on a sec, is that your band on your most-listened?
Anywho, my message to the obsessive and unashamed listener: wear that shit out! Culture is life, not numbers! The chart don't define your worldview. Plus, ya can't scrobble every song you hear from literally every source like Youtube, Bandcamp, CDs, and concerts.. Right? Well.. I mean, you could, technically, manually. There’s actually a Last.fm app for that, you know…but, uh, hey, stop - please don't - it's really not that serious! /cope
crazy bill (tweetober total: 2 (big deal for me))
On Being A Stoner (is it in or out) [stoner introspection corner]
Stoners are a dying breed nowadays. While it is probably a natural consequence of growing up, there are the few (including me) who cling on to the simple thrill of smoking weed, like enjoying a nightcap bong rip before getting too belligerently stoned to even dream. It is important to designate what makes a stoner for the purpose of this somewhat confessional blog post. For starters, I’m not talking about the casual, smoke-a-joint-if-it's-handed-to-you, legal-edible-at-the-gig kind of weed consumer. I’m talking about you motherfuckers who would smoke all damn day if you could (and sometimes do), the ones who have to routinely clean the bong so it doesn’t become a cesspool of tar and weed particles, the fellas who rip a blinker during the middle of the work day. It used to be the cool thing, but now it feels slightly frowned upon, and makes me feel… ashamed?
It’s not that I disagree with stoner culture becoming out-of-style, actually, maybe I agree with it. To be completely transparent, I know I should probably stop smoking weed, it objectively makes me a more lazy and apathetic person. But if I stop, it feels like a symbol of a coming-of-age that I don’t want to admit to. A letting go of the good old days when rolling and sparking up with the homies was what you did, classic summer-of-’16 vibes. Is it drug addiction glorification if I feel shitty about myself whenever I smoke? And is the feeling of being high worth the social stigma of being labeled a “stoner”? Introspection aside, I will always enjoy a couch-hang while smoking with friends. Regardless of my feelings though, I fear the stoner era is coming to an end…
But what happens in a culture of stoner-suppression? We rise up 💪💪💪. Bonding with a fellow stoner feels more special, almost sacred, especially when you realize they’re a real ass pothead. Sharing a blizzy or a johnson at the function becomes more ritualistic, bringing about a certain understanding of the person you are smoking with, an innate relationship forming with endless small talk topics about weed ready at your disposal. And that connection is worthwhile to me, and something I am not keen on ever fully giving up. While I wax poetic about the trials and tribulations of smoking weed, the truth is I will probably never 100% stop. But engaging with it in a more casual way? Maybe that is what I need. But until I force myself to have another reckoning with the ganja, feel free to pass that joint over to me. I will gladly hit that shit.
iShorePeed (tweetober tally: 131)
Festive Holiday Crossword
Damn, that was some real shit ^^^. Anyways, here’s a puzzle that’s actually designed to kill your brain cells. If you’re stuck, try revisiting some of our past posts for hints…or idk get smarter or take a vyvanse or something. Check back in next week for answers!!!!
F Thots Fistgerald (tweetober tally: 51)
Food For Thot
Did you guys like it? Did you enjoy our random ah post? Did you guys read it all? Did our creativity and freakiness impress you? Did it stir some emotions inside you? Did all of your questions get answered?
Did it… break you?
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